


A Purgatory of Passion and Pain

by icandrawamoth



Series: Kinktober 2017 [4]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: (dubcon for heatsex if that's the way you feel), Alpha Cassian Andor, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Sex, Angst, Begging, Bodhi Rook Needs a Hug, Cassian is aroused and hella conflicted, Crying, Grief/Mourning, Kink Meme, Kinktober, Kinktober 2017, Knotting, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Bodhi Rook, POV Cassian Andor, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 15:42:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12279501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icandrawamoth/pseuds/icandrawamoth
Summary: After Galen's death forcibly severs their bond, Bodhi spirals into a traumatic heat. Cassian is the only one who can help, though neither of them really want it.





	A Purgatory of Passion and Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Kinktober day four prompt "begging," though the begging here really isn't intended to be kinky. *shrug* Also filling an old kink meme prompt of my own [here](https://rogueonekink.dreamwidth.org/1084.html?thread=320316#cmt320316), if that counts for anything.
> 
> Title from this quote by Jessica Katoff: "You are a perfect balance of heaven and hell, a purgatory of passion and pain."

Cassian knows what a broken bond smells like. He's experienced it often enough on the Rebel base, the scent of an omega in distress, just having lost their mate. In his opinion, it's foolish for any of his compatriots to form a soulbond in the first place. Their cause is beyond worthwhile, but it's deadly, too - why put the person you profess to love in danger of that additional pain?

But he isn't focused on smelling when he drags Jyn Erso onto that freighter on Eadu, rain-soaked and adrenaline-filled. He's concentrated on keeping everyone - himself and his new team - alive. He and Jyn argue, but it doesn't matter. She's in shock after seeing her father die (unfortunate but unavoidable), and he knows he's right. That doesn't mean her calling him a stormtrooper doesn't get under his skin. He instructs Bodhi to contact the Alliance and drags himself up to the cockpit, seething.

Kay is already there, and for once, he doesn't say anything. Cassian is grateful, though, given his relationship with Jyn thus far, Kay would probably come down on his side. But as irked as he is, it's not important. He sets himself to getting the ship ready for takeoff, getting them safely into space and on their way back to the base.

He can only relax – and even then minimally – when the bright lines of hyperspace are streaming around them. He slumps in his seat, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Maybe he can squeeze in a bit of shut-eye on the journey.

But then the ladder rattles as someone else joins them, and when Cassian turns to look, it's Bodhi. Before he can ask what he wants, he's alarmed to see the other man slump against the back wall of the cockpit, knees drawn up to his chest, head buried in his arms.

That's when the smell hits him, and Cassian curses. This is just what they need. It's not like he's even good at comfort. “Kay, give us some privacy.”

“Just when I think I have human emotions figured out,” Kay mutters as he obeys.

When he's gone, Cassian lowers himself in front of the pilot, who still hasn't looked up. “Bodhi.” He pauses, wondering how best to approach this. “It was Galen, wasn't it?” It makes sense. That explains why the scientist trusted him so much.

Bodhi nods, and Cassian can hear him crying now. “I'm s-sorry,” he mumbles into his arms. “I didn't want to d-do this in front of Jyn.”

Cassian bites back a sigh. “It's all right.” He hesitates, lays a hand on Bodhi's arm. He's going for comfort, hoping it isn't too awkward for Bodhi to be so near another alpha so soon after his own bond has been broken. “I'm sorry.”

Bodhi chokes out a sob.

“I'm sorry,” Cassian says again, “but we have to be practical. Are you on suppressants?”

Bodhi finally peeks up at him, and he looks awful. “I was. But I haven't had them since I defected.”

Cassian counts in his head and curses again inwardly. It's been days, and with this added trauma... “I don't know if you know how this works,” he says, going for calm. “But if anything happens...I can help you.”

There's a dull look in Bodhi's eyes, long moments before the words click for him. He hides his face again, trembling. “I couldn't,” he mumbles. “Not after...” He whimpers, high and plaintive, in the way only an omega in pain can – a way that grates on Cassian's alpha nerves and yanks all his well-hidden protective, nurturing instincts right to the surface.

He stands and turns back to his seat. “You may not need it.” He hopes not, for both their sakes. “You can stay in here. Try and get some rest.”

Cassian had known Bodhi was an omega, of course, and a bonded one, so he'd never thought about the two of them. Sure, Bodhi was an attractive man, but he was taken, even if he'd shown up to the Rebellion alone and Cassian hadn't asked. To end up potentially having him like this...it's not fair to either of them, especially Bodhi.

Cassian busies himself fiddling with the controls, staring out the viewscreen, but his every other sense is focused on Bodhi behind him. He hears the soft sounds as he continues to cry, the faint rustle of clothing as he moves – he knows when his scent begins to change. _Dammit._

Bodhi gives a soft cry, and Cassian turns to see him backing into a corner, hunched in on himself even more than before. “I'm okay,” he says shakily. “I-I'll be okay.” He's rocking slightly, and Cassian can see the flush on his cheeks, how wide his eyes are.

Cassian has seen this before, too. A heat resulting from the trauma of a broken bond is always faster and more intense than normal. Some quirk of omega biology, the body wanting to be bonded again immediately to increase the change of future procreation.

He doesn't want to watch Bodhi suffer, but of course he's not going to touch him without permission. Cassian isn't _that_ kind of alpha; he can control himself. It's going to be harder for Bodhi; especially since he been on suppressants for who knows long as well. Having just come off of them isn't going to help either.

“We're still hours away from Yavin 4, and there's nothing onboard to help you,” Cassian says.

Bodhi nods, groaning softly. He hasn't stopped crying either, and between that and his rising heat, he's about the most pathetic thing Cassian has ever seen. It has his instincts roaring, wanting to take care of him. The instinct is to bond with him, if Cassian's being honest, though he won't go there. Even if he doesn't end up helping Bodhi quell this heat, that's not something either of them is remotely prepared for. They barely know each other.

Cassian finds an emergency blanket tucked under a console and tosses it to him. “Try and get some rest,” he says again, though he knows it won't help. It won't be long before the man before him changes, becomes painfully desperate to be sated, and his clouded emotions won't stop it.

Cassian turns away again as the pilot lays down along the wall and spreads the blanket over himself. It dampens his scent a little, but that won't help for long. Cassian notices that his hands have clenched in the fabric of his pants and forcibly loosens them. If Bodhi is going to do his best not to let this situation control him, Cassian owes him the same.

It's not long, though, before Bodhi's whimpering grows louder, his movements more restless. Cassian aches just hearing him – emotionally and in other ways. As guilty as he feels, he also understands his own biology, that so much of his physical reaction can't be helped. “Bodhi-” he rasps, swallows, trying to wet his throat.

“No,” Bodhi moans. “I won't- I can't. Galen...” He starts crying again, plaintive, painful.

“If you need to touch yourself,” Cassian finds himself saying, clenching his fists again, “don't be embarrassed. We need someone at the controls, so I can't leave you alone up here...but it's all right.”

There are long moments of silence from behind him. Cassian longs to know what Bodhi is doing but won't look. The man deserves some privacy. Then he hears more rustling, Bodhi rearranging himself, and Cassian feels heat in his own cheeks as he realizes Bodhi must be doing as he said.

Cassian's pulse jumps as he hears a familiar squelching sound – _That was fast_ , he thinks – that's all too telling. Bodhi's breath quickens as he groans again, and the sound intensifies. Cassian wishes he could actually block it out, for Bodhi's sake.

The pilot whines, high and needy and broken, and keeps moving, but then - “ _Kriff_ ,” he gasps. “Cassian-”

Cassian's heart nearly leaps from his chest at the shock of hearing his name. But he still doesn't turn. “Bodhi?”

“Please.” His voice is so soft and small, Cassian turns to make sure he's heard him right.

It's a mistake. Bodhi is a sight to behold: spread across the floor, the blanket tossed aside, pants and underwear pushed down his thighs, the fingers of one hand wet from where he'd had them inside himself a moment before. His hair is messy, tear-tracks winding unabashedly down his face.

“Fuck, Bodhi.”

“Please, Cassian,” he whimpers brokenly. “It hurts.”

“I know.” Cassian has to keep himself together for both of them. “But I don't want to hurt you. I'm not going to touch you when that's not what you want. If you can just hold out for a few hours, our medics will get you some emergency suppressants when we get back.”

“But that's so long,” Bodhi moans. Cassian's eyes are riveted as his fingers creep toward his back again, drawn by the instinct to be filled, even by something so insubstantial to the heat. “I don't want to feel like this.”

Cassian can't even image what he feels like in this moment, trying to deal with the initial grief of losing the man he loved along with this overwhelming physical demand that usually would have brought that person so close to him.

“You're not thinking straight right now. I've seen this happen before, Bodhi. You've experienced a trauma, and I don't want to add to it.”

“ _Please_ ,” Bodhi begs, and his eyes when he locks them on Cassian's are a sight he can't look away from. “Please, Cassian. Help me.”

Cassian doesn't like to see people in pain, and he isn't a saint. In this situation, it takes less than he'll be proud to admit to break his resolve.

He stands, crosses the cockpit in two long strides and kneels in front of Bodhi. It's the sweetest agony when Bodhi instinctively curls close, but Cassian gently rebuffs the hands that reach for him. “I need you to understand me, Bodhi. Are you listening?”

Bodhi's eyes are nearly black, dilated with need and glassy with tears, but he nods, looking up at Cassian like he's some kind of savior. The idea is laughable.

“I'm not going to bond with you. I know you don't want that. And I know this doesn't mean anything. I'm helping you through this heat so you won't be hurting anymore. I don't have any protection with me, but there'll be emergency contraceptives at the base if you want them. Do you understand all that?” _Do_ I _understand all that?_ He thinks, very briefly, of the possibility of Bodhi carrying his child, shoves it roughly aside.

“Yes, yes, _please_ ,” Bodhi begs, reaching for him again, and Cassian can't refuse him any longer. He squeezes Bodhi's hand, a brief moment of contact to tide him over, then stands to undress himself, only from the waste down. He pulls Bodhi's pants and underwear the rest of the way off and helps him turn over.

It only takes a stroke or two for Cassian to be fully hard – he's been willing his erection to go away since this started – and he eases Bodhi up to his knees, bracing himself behind him. “Last chance to back out,” he says, keeping his voice steady through shear force of will. From this close, Bodhi smells _amazing_ , and he wills himself not to appreciate it.

“I'm ready,” Bodhi says, and his voice only shakes a little.

It's the best Cassian's going to get. He eases in, Bodhi's body already prepared for him, and feels the pilot tremble and sigh as he takes him in. “All right?” he asks, unable to keep the roughness out of his own voice now.

“I-” Bodhi's voice breaks, and without warning, he's crying again. Cassian stops dead. “Don't stop,” Bodhi whimpers through his tears. “I just- I'm sorry-”

“Don't be sorry. I can't- I can't imagine what this is like for you.” He squeezes his eyes shut, steadies himself. This should be clinical; he's helping a fellow soldier.

“Keep going,” Bodhi whispers, and Cassian does, thrusting in again, falling into a gentle but quick rhythm. He can feel Bodhi shaking under him, tensing as his climax builds. Cassian has done this with more than a few men; he knows how to make it last and how to get it over with. He reaches around, strokes Bodhi's cock in time with the movement of his body.

Bodhi comes suddenly, the only herald a sharp cry before he's shaking apart under Cassian's hands, squeezing tight around him with sweet perfection.

Cassian groans, his grip on Bodhi's hips tightening as he thrusts a few more times, chasing his own climax, feeling his knot begin to swell. Then it's over as he spills inside and they're tied together. It doesn't last as long as it would with a bonded pair; within minutes he's pulling out, turning away to clean himself as best he can and pull his clothes back on.

Bodhi, sobbing openly now, merely pulls the blanket up to cover himself, clearly distressed that it's too small to cover both his body and his face at the same time. Cassian knows he should look, should tell himself that he helped do this to him, but averts his eyes.

There's an apology on the tip of his tongue, just as he hears Bodhi whisper brokenly, “Thank you.”

Cassian has endured torture, killed innocents, and watched people he loves die – but he's perhaps never felt as awful as he does in that moment.


End file.
